Top Ten Signs America is Getting Dumber

Just imagine how dumb the poor countries must be.

1. "Dancing With the Stars" is a television show

I don't care if Ian Ziering can do the tango. I don't care if Ian Ziering is dead or alive. This show forced me to burn my Emmitt Smith jersey, smash all my Master P records, and devise an intricate plot to shave Wayne Newtons head while he's sleeping.

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2. "Having Sex With Lindsay Lohan" is NOT a television show

If they had a show where Lindsay Lohan folded her laundry in a tank-top and then took a dump while reading childrens stories I would watch it every day. I would TiVo that shit. But no, instead we have M.A.S.H. six times a day.

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3. We have these things

These traffic speed displays are convenient. Although you may have noticed a similar device built into the dashboard of your car!!

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4. We have TV shows about jail

Jail is, by definition, the most boring place on earth. If your life is so lame that you watch prisoners lives for entertainment, you should probably commit a felony, like killing yourself for example.

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5. Sunset Tan has several locations in California

I haven't checked the weather channel recently but isn't it ALWAYS SUNNY in California!! That's like paying someone to sprinkle sand on your food in Syria.

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6. The elevator in the parking garage has braille

Blind people don't drive because they have trouble seeing things. Plus public braille is ridiculous anyways. How's the blind guy supposed to find the 3X5" card with the dots on it in the middle of a huge building?

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7. Rosie O'Donnell has money

If we weren't such a stupid country, this behemoth would be homeless/dead and thus much thinner.

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8. We are trying to teach democracy to throat cutting savages

Just look at this guy. Does he look like he is advanced enough to find his way from the cave to make arguments on parliamentary procedure? He still thinks that "the wheel" is cool!!